


the way of the not so invincible shinobi

by shirohyasha



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Gen, alcohol related nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 09:32:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16216271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirohyasha/pseuds/shirohyasha
Summary: Masato, Otoya, Syo, and Cecil get together to plan their installment of the Shining Theatre series.It's not their proudest moment.





	the way of the not so invincible shinobi

**Author's Note:**

> warnings for alcohol and gratuitous naruto jokes

“Your next project is in groups!” Haruka tells them all excitedly. “You’ll be working together to come up with a drama CD – you need a theme song and a story for the CD.”

She fiddles with her papers and hands them out. “Hijirikawa, Syo, Cecil, Otoya, you’ll be working together. I’d suggest something active and simple, but passionate, for you – a sports team maybe? Ah, I won’t interfere,” she says.

She starts rattling off the other members and her recommended directions for them to take their drama CDs. “…mature and sexy, I think,” she says, pointing at Camus, Ren, Ranmaru, and Tokiya. “And you three should have something mysterious and elegant,” she concludes, turning to Ai, Reiji, and Natsuki.

“I’ll write the music for you once you tell me what direction you’re taking your pieces. Good luck, everyone,” she says brightly, and flits out of the room as quickly as she arrived.

Masato, Syo, Cecil, and Otoya agree to meet up later, once they manage to fit their schedules together, and split up to go to their respective jobs.

 

It’s not their best planning session.

 

They meet in Masato’s room at ten, the earliest they were all free. Masato’s room has a low table and he’s set out pens and notebooks for brainstorming, and none of them can come up with anything.

They consider Haruka’s idea, of a sports team, but none of them can come up with anything even remotely compelling for the drama for that.

“Sports anime and manga are very prevalent in Japan’s culture,” Cecil says thoughtfully. “There are several which last for hundreds of chapters or episodes, and are immensely popular.”

Syo gestures lazily from where his head is pillowed on his arms. “They’re mostly ‘bout watching people grow,” he says, annoyed. “That, or they’re about the action. Can’t really convey action on a CD.”

They’re not technically on the clock, so Syo has had three beers and is working on his fourth. Cecil had decided to join him, and is drinking something that smells powerfully of – well, toilet cleaner is the best comparison Masato can think of.

“Action and passion, huh?” Otoya says. He is also drinking. He’s drinking cider, because he doesn’t like beer. He’s had five. “I guess we’re probably the best team for that.”

Cecil frowns, or he tries to. “Masato is very reserved,” he points out.

Masato has had a lot of sake.

Masato frowns back. “Yes,” he says. “As is befitting of a man, I am private about my emotions and adhere strictly – to – to formalities.”

Syo pounds the table. “You’re a real man, Masato,” he howls. “We all know you’re truly passionate! Ren told us - _hic_ \- what you said to your father!”

Otoya nods cheerfully. “Yeah! Masa is really passionate!”

Cecil nods slowly. “Something passionate, with high emotions,” he says. “How about a battle CD? We could be warriors or soldiers, preparing for war.”

Syo looks contemplative. Masato scowls.

“That sounds as though it could be depressing,” he says.

“Yeah, and we’ve got to be careful about military stuff,” Otoya adds. “Tokiya made me reread our contracts the other day, and there’s a lot of stuff we have to be careful about.”

“Historical events are acceptable,” Masato tells them. “Last year, Kotobuki and I starred in a drama as samurai of the Warring States Era.”

“Samurai!” Syo yells. Masato is starting to suspect he’s had more than three beers. He looks at the table, counts again, and yes, that is definitely more than three or four or even six cans lying empty there. “We should be samurai! Noble warriors, following their own codes of honour, the manliest of men!”

Otoya gasps. “Syo! Syo Syo Syo! We should be _ninja_.” He whispers the last word like it’s sacred.

Syo grasps his hand. “Otoya,” he says. “Otoya, you are a genius. Ninja!” he yells.

Cecil nods solemnly. “Ninja are also popular in Japanese culture. I have no doubt that – I have no doubt – doubt that being ninja would be a popular decision.”

“We’re going to be Naruto,” Masato says very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that it takes the other three a long moment to realise exactly what he said.

Otoya is the first to stop laughing long enough to take a breath. “I didn’t – didn’t even know you – who Naruto is!” he wheezes. Syo pushes his head up and tries to speak, but catches one look at Masato’s still-serious face and collapses back into laughter.

“Surely – surely Syo should be Naruto,” Cecil manages between heaves of laughter. “You look more like Sasuke does, surely!”

“Eh? But that makes me Sakura,” Otoya wails, still laughing. “I’d look terrible with pink hair!”

“I think you would suit pink hair,” Masato says, again deathly serious. “But I do not know who Sakura is.”

“Sakura is on Naruto’s team!” Syo tells him, with as much fervour as he can muster. “She’s – uh – guys, what does Sakura do?”

“Sakura is the medic,” Cecil supplies helpfully. “Sasuke is the cool aloof one whose whole family was killed, and Naruto is the main character. He has a monster in his stomach.”

“Indeed,” Masato nods. “This all sounds suitably dramatic. And who will Cecil be?”

“Ah, no wait, Masa,” Otoya protests. “We can’t – we can’t steal the plot of Naruto! Or the characters! We haven’t got a contract with them.”

Masato jumps to his feet, as if to go and wrest the rights to the characters from whoever owns them, and then sits down just as abruptly. “We shall have to come up with our own suitably dramatic tale of ninja then,” he declares, and has another drink.

“Yeah!” the others cheer, loudly enough that everyone else in their building can probably hear them.

“We need characters,” Cecil says.

“Nah, we need a plot first,” Syo argues. “The characters can fit the plot.”

“The plot will fit the characters,” Cecil protests. “If they are strong characters, the plot will happen around them.”

“There’s a battle,” Otoya declares, and writes this down. “Between two clans. Masa, what’s the proper procedure for declaring war on another clan?”

Masato actually thinks about this for a minute before realising he doesn’t know. “Ittoki, I am not – _hic_ – clans have not declared war on each other for several decades, so I did not learn how to.”

Otoya sighs. “We could do some research?” he says, like he really doesn’t want to bother.

Cecil beams. “If we are ninja, we do not need to be at war to fight! Ninja were mostly – ninja were mainly – mostly spies and assassins, sent to steal information.”

“We could do an assassination plot,” Masato says. “We could – split – into two teams and.” He loses track of his thoughts for a moment. “One of the teams could be protecting the target, and the other – _hic_ – team – _hic_ – sent to assassinate them.”

Cecil looks distressed. “This was not really addressed in Naruto,” he says sadly. “Naruto was mostly a heartwarming story of bonds and friendship.”

Syo claps him on the shoulder hard enough to knock him face-first into the table. Masato settles his bottle of toilet-cleaner before it can fall, and puts the lid on while he’s at it. The bottle has letters on it he can’t read, and he knows English, and it’s obviously not Japanese, so he doesn’t know what it could be.

He puts the bottle down on the table and nods. “Yes. We should have some focus on lighter topics as well as assassination techniques.”

Cecil claps excitedly. “We can have our own special techniques?” he exclaims.

Syo leaps to his feet. “Body replacement technique!” he yells, forming seals with his hands. Otoya jumps up as well.

“Hidden clone technique!” he shrieks back, and the two yell at each other for a moment before Syo lunges at Otoya and they go sprawling over the table.

“Roaring deadly thunder god technique!” Cecil hollers, and throws himself into the pile. Masato picks up Otoya’s notepad and writes all this down.

There’s a knock at the door, and Ren and Tokiya open it. They’re wearing sunglasses – it’s the middle of the night, but they’re definitely wearing sunglasses. Masato generously doesn’t make fun of them for this.

Masato is knelt at the low table, for all appearances taking everything very seriously, making notes even. Cecil, Otoya, and Syo are wrestling _on_ the table, cans and bottles and paper and pens flying everywhere.

“We heard yelling – what on earth?” Tokiya says.

Masato narrows his eyes at Ren. “MAT BLOCK FLOOD TECHNIQUE!” he shouts, as loudly as he can, and begins volleying empty cans at Ren as fast as his drunk arms can throw them.

Ren takes a hit to the forehead. Tokiya takes several body shots that were absolutely meant for Ren.

Tokiya and Ren make a brief moment of eye contact, and decide it’s not worth it. They shut the door and go.

Masato stares at his hands. “It worked,” he says, surprised. “Nothing has ever sufficed to get rid of Jinguji before, but the mat block flood technique worked.”

Otoya pokes his head up from the pile. “You can be the most powerful ninja then! Your technique worked in real life!”

Syo untangles himself, grinning. “Yeah! Masato’s a real ninja now!”

Cecil wriggles across the table until he’s sat on the floor again. “I shall defer to your judgement,” he says. “After all I – I am not – not Japanese and so – not Japanese and so do not know what techniques are most effective.”

It occurs to them that they’ll have to tell Cecil at some point that being Japanese doesn’t grant you knowledge of ninja techniques, but – tomorrow. They’ll tell him tomorrow.

Masato makes a few more notes. His handwriting is terrible right now, but it’s important they get all the details down before they forget them. He can scold himself tomorrow.

He writes _assassinate the princess_ and _protect the princess_ and _heartwarming story of bonds and friendship_ across the pad, beneath the names of Otoya and Syo and Cecil’s techniques. He adds his own technique to the list, to be experimented with. Ren was difficult to get rid of, and if the mat block flood technique really was effective, Masato was going to use it.

“Does anyone – _hic_ – have any more suggestions?” he asks.

“Costumes!” Syo says sluggishly from where he’s sprawled across the table, using Otoya as a heat source. “We need sick ninja costumes.”

Masato writes _sick ninja costumes_ underneath _protect the princess_. He writes it in English, because that was what Syo had said it in. “Anything else?”

“Weapons,” Otoya says.

“I would like a sword,” Cecil declares. He’s curled onto the floor and has found a blanket from somewhere. That’s a pretty good idea, actually – Masato thinks he left blankets in a cupboard. He stumbles there and back and throws a blanket at Otoya and Syo, and mostly covers them.

Masato writes _sword_ underneath _sick ninja costumes_. He then writes _tanto_ and _kunai_ and _shuriken_ underneath that, because he has a vague recollection of them being appropriate weapons for a ninja.

“Hm. I think we have enough to work with,” he says. He doesn’t get an answer – the others are already asleep.

 

Masato wakes up with a headache, a sore throat, a vague recollection of satisfaction from the night before, and a notebook full of sloppily written ideas for a ninja CD.

There’s a knock on the door. “Come in,” Masato calls. Tokiya sticks his head around the door nervously.

“JInguji wouldn’t come,” he says flatly.

Masato is too hungover not to laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> please picture: the joker trap quartet sitting around doing whatever it is cool and sexy™ boys do in their free time while the occasional screech of a naruto jutsu can be heard from next door


End file.
